Turning the Page

Accepting Consequences and Finding Paradise

Accepting the consequences is a repentant heart saying ‘Yes’ to what has been done, praying for mercy, and possibly discovering grace.
A few years ago I was caught speeding. I was going too fast. The police officer pulled me over and asked if I knew what speed I was traveling. I didn’t. He told me and then wrote out a ticket with a fine. I duly paid the fine.
There was a consequence – embarrassment and a hit to my wallet. There was justice, no mercy, and certainly no grace.
I accepted the consequence of my actions. However, thinking back now, I’m glad that the consequence was only a fine and not something much worse, such as hitting a pedestrian because of my excessive speed.
When you’ve been caught doing something wrong, what is your very first reaction? You may run, hide, blame someone else, or get angry, even at God. Anything to avoid an awareness that the consequences are entirely on your shoulders.
My ancestors have always done this. My parents tried to hide their crime under some figs leaves. My first father blamed my first mother, and my first mother blamed Satan. Satan laughed with glee. We are all stuck in the same curve.
You did it. Your choices got you where you are today, but your choices will also lead you out.
Yes, I know we live lives where so many other people’s choices affect us. But you have to take responsibility for that which is in your control.
I was the one that pushed the accelerator down too much—no one else.
 
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I want to make amends

We do something we regret and want to make amends for, but what about the heart. Come as a servant but don’t become a slave.
I was working in a garden the other day when I accidentally knocked over a small pot plant. It toppled over and fell onto a concrete path below and broke. I was appalled at what I had done. Of course, it was clumsiness, but these things do happen.
I immediately spoke to the owner and apologized. I offered to pay for a new pot. She said that wouldn’t be necessary. I was happy to give some money to make amends for what I had done, but she wouldn’t hear of it.
A broken pot. What about a broken heart?
What about something significant you have done relationally and want to make amends for your actions.
Definition of ‘make amends’ – to do something to correct a mistake that one has madeor a bad situation that one has caused
It’s relatively easy when it has a financial basis. You offer to pay for the cost of replacement.
Perhaps the justice system is involved, and a sentence is imposed on you to make amends for your crime.
How often though do the victims still hold the pain of what has happened to them? Even though the perpetrator has possibly shown remorse, apologized, and paid with some punishment?
Reconciliation is both head and heart.
 
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Facing the Black and Finding some Light

We trip, fall, and land in the black, but with grace, a friend comes to show a pinpoint of light.
I knew what he had done, but I still loved him. I told him I loved him too. He found it hard to take that he was worthy of anyone’s love. But in all honesty, he was a sinner like me. We were both beggars trying to find bread.
Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread. D.T. Niles
He sat there recalling his crimes and the pain he had caused others. He needed to, and I prayed that he would feel both the embrace of my compassion and the compassion of Christ around his heart.
We had some bread, some grape juice, and a little feast of forgiveness and reconciliation. Two sinners both needing a spark of hope.
He was appalled by what he had done, and I knew that forever this would be part of the Cross he would have to carry.
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When You’re Feeling Abandoned

A feeling of being abandoned can be like a cold chill across the soul. But God is always at work, so we need to remind ourselves of this truth.
I was recently at the help desk in a large store returning some items, and I noticed a small boy in the cubicle. One of the shop assistants then picked up the phone and made an announcement over the phone system.
‘We have a small boy at the help desk. Could his parents please come to collect him’
Within a few minutes, his father appeared, and they were reunited.
The father and the son must have drifted apart or lost sight of each other.
I wonder what the little boy was feeling.
Alone?Lost?Abandoned?
In a world created out of intimate, perfect connection, we can at times get lost to that sense of being known, loved, and held. Life can at times strike a deadly blow to those intimacies we were born for.
We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people making imperfect choices.
Have you ever felt the cold winds of abandonment chill your bones?
 
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I Want Help with my Untied Shoelaces

At times there are things we can’t do for ourselves, but perhaps someone else can. So we ask for help with our untied shoelaces.
Recently I woke up with pain in my left shoulder. I was in agony. My wife was away from home, and I knew that I had to go to an emergency doctor. So I dressed. But when I came to put my shoes on, I realized I wasn’t able to tie the shoelaces up. I didn’t care. I needed help so I left home with untied shoelaces.
When I reached the 24/7 emergency care center, I was greeted by a nurse. I asked if she would mind if she could do my shoelaces up. She kindly reached down and tied them. She did for me what I could not do for myself. 
Eventually, I saw a Doctor, received some medication, and went home. I had been overworking the muscles and had damaged them. After some rest, physiotherapy, and a change in some of the garden machinery I was using, my shoulder is better now.
But it was that small, simple act of someone tying my shoelaces for me that helped me in my distress.
We encourage independence and having a Do it yourself (D.I.Y.) attitude. We validate and endorse the ‘self-made’ man or woman.
With rugged individualism, we pride ourselves on what we can do.
But there are some things you can’t do for yourself.
For me, as I looked at my untied shoelaces, they represented something undone and messy. That I was a bit unkempt, unfinished.
I felt like a disheveled mess. How could I enter a Doctors surgery looking like that? I have certain standards of appearance, yet here I was confessing my weakness and inability to do such a simple (but actually quite a complex task) of tying a few pieces of cord together.
I’ve had the privilege of listening to people share their untied shoelaces. Those deepest hurts, disappointments, and struggles. Unresolved pain where shame and guilt have clotted together. It’s a weight on weary shoulders—a burden of regret and loss.
It’s like they need someone else to be there and be a witness to their shoelaces. That life isn’t neat and tidy, and stuff happens along the way that can leave us disheveled.
Perhaps untied shoelaces have caused them to trip up in life repeatedly. Or maybe they have adjusted their walk so that they don’t trip.
 
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Who are the Five people you spend the most time with?

Who are the Five people you spend the most time with? They will be the ones who have the most influence over you.
Her response to a betrayal of friendship has probably helped thousands of others to get a better group of friends.
The other day I was listening to a podcast from Simon Sinek where he interviewed Marissa Meizz.
A young man, Drew Harding, happened to be on his lunch break, and while walking through Central Park New York, he overheard two young ladies discussing how they were planning a party but that it had to be on a day when their 'friend' Marissa was not going to be in town.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing, so he posted a video on 'Tic Toc' telling the story and hoping to connect with Marissa to tell her she needed to find a better group of friends.
The video went viral in the quest to find her. Eventually, she saw the video, and Marissa and Drew connected. They are now friends.
The next chapter of the story is incredible. Marrisa didn't turn bitter; instead, she chose to use the fame of this viral internet story to help people who are lonely to connect.
No more lonely friends was created, and they have meetups where people who don't know each other can come and make new friends. Many who come have had moments of being rejected.
Her Instagram page has fifty-one thousand followers.
Have you experienced rejection? Perhaps a betrayal by people who you thought were on your side. Gossip slips around and stabs you in the back. You're alone, deeply alone. You feel abandoned and lost.
No one 'gets you,' and there is no desire for community with your soul.
Its loneliness and rejection and betrayal and loss all rolled up into one big ball of pus.
Do you know what that's like?
Or maybe the relationships you are in aren't a source of encouragement to what matters most to you.
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Does God Hate Me Part two

Does God hate Me or Does God love me? What you think about God will form the patterns of your thinking and life.
Oh, that my heart might know a new reassurance.
Recently in my conversations with people, I have been giving them three little phrases to meditate on and speak into themselves.
I am lovedI am heldI am known.
When the anxiety starts to build, and the depression starts to drown, these are phrases that can quietly bring peace.
It’s the love of compassion for our hurting self, the being held while emotional storms rage, and it’s the being known fully despite all the flaws.
It’s what I hope a good friend can offer, but it’s also what God in full glory speaks to us. You are loved, you are held, you are known.
In our last post, we looked at the question Does God hate me? and I suggested 12 questions that I would have running in the back of my mind if someone had that question.
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Does God Hate Me Part one

Does God Hate me? Is God punishing me? Questions like these need gentle and grace-filled responses, so here are twelve questions that I would like to ask and explore.
Sometimes, when I listen to people, I hear little comments that bring a sense of sadness to my heart. Some firmly held beliefs that over time and repeated often enough create in them mental unwellness.
Phrases such as
‘God is punishing me.’‘God is angry with me.’‘God hates me.’
I don’t think I have ever felt that God hates me, but I have wondered, particularly as a child, that my illnesses or problems might be the consequence of something I’ve done. That God is punishing me.
‘You did this, and so here is the punishment or consequence.’‘Start doing the right things, and then God might be inclined to help you.’
Seems logical.
Isn’t that what typically happens? You do something wrong, and there is a consequence.
We can so easily create a conclusion by how we add up the facts or what we perceive as the facts.
Those conclusions become belief systems through which everything passes. They can become so deeply entrenched that everything flows into them. The brain then wires itself to look for further evidence that our conclusions are correct. We have a negativity bias.
It’s like A+B+C+D+E = God hates me.Read this further hereFOLLOW ME!Websiite: https://turningthepage.co.nz/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/turningthepage1atatimeTwitter: https://twitter.com/barrypearmanInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/turningthepagefaithhopelove/Podcast https://turningthepage.co.nz/podcast-listen-mental-health/
 

Willpower is never enough

We want to change, but willpower alone is never enough. It runs out. We need to have a stronger power - a heart power that strengthens our thinking.
I was going to change. I was determined. No more of those old habits and going down those old stupid ways. Now it was going to be different.
So with grit and determination, I tried harder to steer the ship of my life away from this behavior. And it worked for a while. I could see the changes happening. But suddenly, the steering wheel snaps back to the old ways.
It was like a magnetic force pulling me back to the old. All the willpower in the world didn't seem to help.
But then I hear a pep talk. Someone tells me about how they have changed. I get inspired by their change, so I throw myself into the wind again and grit my teeth. This time will be different. I'll do it right. I will try harder.
Then life happens. Stress comes. We get tired, and willpower seems to wilt away. So back we go into the old ways. The familiar is comforting. We give up and resign ourselves to being like this forever.
 
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Are You Open to Receive?

It’s probably easier to give than to receive, but we can’t give what we haven’t already received. How can someone love, when they don’t know what love is? Are you open to receiving love? 
It was awkward. Plain embarrassing. It was so uncomfortable that they wanted to run from this gift-giving.
They had made some foolish mistakes that hurt people very close to them. How could they ever repay? This was the only family they had ever known, and they wanted to have a relationship with them.
For much of their life, they had clothed themselves with shame and guilt. They had truly messed up, and all they could focus on now was their failings.
How could anyone love them? They couldn’t even love themselves. They despised themselves.
But hands were reaching out to them with gifts. Clothes, jewelry, a party. All in their honor.
They quickly clasped their hands and arms over their chest.
‘Protect, keep safe, don’t let them in. I won’t receive a gift I don’t deserve, a gift I haven’t worked for.’
The gift giver walked away saddened.
 
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