I am in Turmoil and Need a Confidant

Turmoil – a state of unease, disquiet, and storm, but what if you weren’t alone in that drowning boat? We need a confidant to share the storm with. 

Often people say that life is like a rollercoaster ride. Ups and downs, highs and lows. But I think life is more like being in a small boat in a vast ocean.

Some days your little boat is cruising along, wind in the sails, direction known, and seas calm. All is good, and life is a breeze.

But then at other times, a huge storm comes upon you seemingly out of nowhere.

Clouds grow deathly dark and waves, high as mountains, tower over us.

We lose direction, our sails are torn, and we hold on to whatever we can grasp.

The worst part is that we don’t know how long this will last. Some storms seem to become permanent residents.

I am in turmoil

Before I began writing, I made myself a hot drink. As I watched the water come to the boil, I had an image of what turmoil is like—bubbling, churning water.

I look to the meaning of the word turmoil.

• A state of great disorder or uncertainty
• Harassing labour; trouble; disturbance.
• chaos, disorder
• constant motion

Life is never a stagnant pond, it always has movement and winds blowing across it, but then there are the extremes, and we long for the quieter days and wonder if they will ever return.

Times of turmoil shape us and our little boat. Maturity comes from the storms we face and who we cling to when things get tough.

But turmoil comes

The biblical character Job comes to us as a fellow human being and moans, an expression of chaos.

I am not at ease, nor am I quiet, And I am not at rest, but turmoil comes. Job 3:26

From Job, we can find other definitions of turmoil

• not at ease
• not at quiet
• not at rest

Looking into the Hebrew word used here, we find the word rogez, meaning agitation, excitement, and rage.

It’s not the excitement of hopeful anticipation; it’s more the excitement or stirring up of those water molecules in a boiling kettle. Molecules get excited, bump together, create upheaval, and I and my little boat have to ride those waves.

I’ve had enough of that kind of excitement in my life. I want those times of ease, quiet, and rest, just like Job.

A confidant gives confidence

Can I confide in you?

When someone says these words, you know they want to give you something precious. Something that comes from a deep place. A secret they would never share openly. It’s wrapped in the dark paper of guilt and shame. It’s been hidden away. No one knows.  

For some reason, they have felt you have a pair of safe hands. You won’t do anything rash or wild with their gift. You’re not going to make a public announcement of whatever they are going to share.

You will hold the secret they have been carrying and treat it with the deep respect it deserves.

A confidant will enter the storm-tossed little boat and share in knowing the agitation, stirring, and darkness.

They will give you slithers of confidence as you face the next dark wave.

In my rollercoaster ride of turmoil, I want someone strapped in beside me—a confidant, a friend, a soul talker that has traveled through the dark storms.

Confidence grows through facing the storm waves one at a time with a friend. Moments of stillness, rest, ease, and quietness restore each other’s souls and build a friendship before the foul winds build again.

What does a confidant look like?

First, check for signs of wear and tear. Callused hands, salt-bleached hair, wrinkled skin.

They are not box tickers, legalists, mechanics, engineers, chess players, or sergeant majors.

More likely, you will find them in the garden, the dance studio, the kitchen, or behind an easel. They know the sun and soil, the rhythm and rhyme, the herbs and the spices, the pastels and paints.

They can sit comfortably with disorder and allow it to be what it is.

What to do in turmoil

In my little boat tossed in turmoil, my confidant brings me back to the surety of what they know will help.

They bring my focus back to those deep anchor-like habits.

In my turmoil, I return to the habits of prayer, listening and reading scripture, serving others, silence, and confession.

Confession of my confusion. I vomit out my soul to my confidant.

Tears flow. Wild, untamed thoughts lash out.

I don’t want to be F.A.S.S.’ed (Fixed, Advised, Saved, or Set straight). I want to be known and have a companion. I don’t want to be alone.

Only some people can handle that. Only some people are equipped to carry that load, but some are, and they are very precious.

Can I sit with you and journey a few thoughts?

Quotes to consider

• Genuine presence involves being genuinely myself. I can be present for another person only when I dare to be present for myself. Dr David Benner
• To confide is sometimes to deliver into a person’s power. Victor Hugo Les Misérables
• Opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.  Rob Bell
• Can you be vulnerable yet? We all need touch and hugs, but first we must take down the walls that have been built too high around our hearts. D. Riddell
• Every hard thing we endure can put us in touch with our desire for God, and every trial can strengthen that desire until it becomes the consuming passion of our life.   Larry Crabb Soultalk
• Whether life is bumpy or smooth, the most supernatural thing we can do is to want to know God better, to value his pleasure and his purposes above everything else, and to want directions for the journey into his presence more than a plan for making life work. Larry Crabb Soultalk
• Every hard thing we endure can put us in touch with our desire for God, and every trial can strengthen that desire until it becomes the consuming passion of our life.   Larry Crabb Soultalk
• Everyone is dealing with some hardship that may be invisible to you. Judith Orloff
• Poets do not go mad; but chess-players do. Mathematicians go mad, and cashiers; but creative artists very seldom. I am not, as will be seen, in any sense attacking logic: I only say that this danger does lie in logic, not in imagination. G.K. Chesterton

Questions to answer

1. What’s your little boat on the ocean like as you read this?
2. What are the qualities that you look for in a confidant?
3. You’ve been through times of turmoil. What have you learned from them?

Further reading

 

Barry Pearman

Photo by Matt Hardy on Unsplash

 

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